just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
