My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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