Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
