i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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