I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
