remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
