No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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