lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
