"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't turn off my feet"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
