Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
