I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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