I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
