note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
