Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
