Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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