so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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