Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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