I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
