i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
