Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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