I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
