Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
