I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
