If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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