Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
