There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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