hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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