Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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