i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
