rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
