matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
