he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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