I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
