Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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