We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize