I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
