I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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