Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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