I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
