I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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