Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
