Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
