My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
