Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
