it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
