playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
