I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
