We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
