Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
