I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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