I wish life had little blips of pornography
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
