eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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