The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
