respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
