don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
