hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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