New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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