I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
