My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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