maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
