I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
