dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He better not be in your backpack
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
