ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
