Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You made out with two different species that night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
