I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
