I am puke
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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