I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
