if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
