his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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