if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
