I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
