I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
