420 ftw
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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