I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
